So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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