cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
