Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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