I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Quick, to the slutcave!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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