So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
