Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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