I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
