textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
