Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
