he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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