i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
