I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
