If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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