Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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