kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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