if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
