Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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