I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't make out with my wife yet
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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