I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
