I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
