i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
