we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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