I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
