I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
