I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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