had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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