Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My cat gives me a boner
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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