Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize