My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
