Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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