i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
