DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
birth control should be required to get into college
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
