HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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