before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
