Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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