Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
