I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
