If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
