All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
