It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
