The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
