i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
