I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
