how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
try to milk me bitch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
