He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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