You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
