there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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