I am puke
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
