She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize