He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
