Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
