The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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