Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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