Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
