Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dignity is for republicans.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
