someone threw a dead crab at me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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