i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
