I got chris browned last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
