Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
