i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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