that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
